My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
