I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
