i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
