Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
