Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
