i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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