thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
