My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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