Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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