my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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