No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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