i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
