Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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