my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
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