Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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