I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
how drunk are you?
Several
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
