weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
