i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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