A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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