Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
