Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
