I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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