he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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