Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
