i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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