So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
