I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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