I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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