I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Im part way to drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
