We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
