Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
