somebody snuck up and got me drunk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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