You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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