We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
