dude i'm inner monologue high
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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