I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
