So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
