I got chris browned last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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