Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
