considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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