with your own penis?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
