HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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