hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
