You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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