John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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