just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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