I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
