dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
