i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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