I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
