Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
