wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
