Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
