Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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