that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
