pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
