Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
