I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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