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Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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