cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize