I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
