Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
