____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
now i know why i became what i already was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
