One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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