No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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