my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
