I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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