all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
