cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
