mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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