I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
