Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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