forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
