i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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