Welp...herpes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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